misserable heart

Ladies, we are just a weak animal. anything happen, if you are not protecting yourself, nobody will help you and most probably you will lost everything.

When you are thinking you are in love, pampered, concerned and loved by your Mr right, that not always the reality. It might be your own illusion. When the time you realize the real situation means that your life have ruin.

We are not man, anything wrong they still can start over again.
A lady, if you are giving your heart to the wrong person, he not only ruin your body, your mind, your future but also your heart. 

once your heart die, you are die.

Never give your heart to anyone even the closet one.
leave your heart to your own.
you are the only one that can really protecting your heart.
Why?
Because others are busy protecting their own heart. They will not mind about your heart.
Remember... protect yourself.

How to let i know that i knew?

Now i realize, once injured, it will have a scar remain
It wont turn back time

Last time, i when i get angry, i will show to u tell u
And at the end, i will cool down and u will become the boss

I knew everytime u will gimme a reason that everything just i misunderstood u.
Most of the time, i felt guilty

Maybe this is because u really occupy my heart

But now, i just wanna calm down
I dun wan to listen to any lie from u
I am bored
I hate people lie to me
I believe u not only tell me lie once,perhaps more than i cant believe


I cant accept people lie to me

Dear, i really make me feel like u r stranger for me
I am scare of u now
Who u really u r?
What ur purpose on me？

The hardest thing is to tell u " i knew u lie to me....."

What should i do now?

Where am I?

Quite a long time i disappear
Today i thought will be a best day for me
Will be a nice and warm sunday
I could woke up early in the morning to fetch my beloved cousin
I laugh when i heard his cute voice
My dear purposely make a visit to my house
I told him not necessary but he answered "what to do, i miss u"
So sweet. I really smile from heart
I thought to visit my relative today and introduce to them the investment scheme
What a good day, will i have enough time?
Hopefully today will be a long day

However, what u plan will never win a changes.

I am happy when i met my dear
I look deeply to him
He looks so sweet so caring
I suddenly felt he is my rite one
Not willing to say goodbye,so, follow him for a meal
Unexpectedly i saw a message from a girl
He always said there is someone(a kl girl) that like his best fren
I truly trust him at the begining
But from time to time i saw more messages
Although a simple message, but a simple message always have a bigger meaning
Even me and him also start from call and messages even today still almost never change
And today i saw a message newly from that lady, call him OWL
No wonder he want a DIY owl from me
This really make my feeling fade off...

Knew that i cant rely on anyone
I need money, i need money, and i truly need more money
I prefer earn myself
I plan to sell my DIY dolls
I start to work hard to sell unit trust
When i heard my relative interested, i really happy
I really put a big hope, my confidence boost up
I CAN DO IT!!
But in 2 hours time, my relative told me he wanna delay his unit trust plan
That time i told myself calm down be profesional, accept and...
Smile...smile... Act like usual
I dunno what actually rumour that being spreaded by someone,
I dun care
But i know i am ANGRY
I dun mind they dun wan but i mind if someone try to sabotage other not to buy from me
I really suspect someone talk something behind me

I am in my hometown, i cant cry even i wan
No place for me to cry, no time for me to cry
I only can cry when i be with water

I just realize i've change
Now i smile but i dun think it is sweet
I laugh but i dun think i laugh for something i feel funny
I laugh when i think i need to laugh
I praise but in my heart, i felt guilty
I say yes but my heart keep beg to no
I felt i am so fake
I hate myself
I hate myself

I wanna tell my father u r the one that i ever respect
But u spoil my dream, u spoil my life
When i think of this, i always think to die
I wanna go to eight floor........

I dun believe anyone
Anyone will harm me
I need to protect myself
I just trust myself
I just trust myself........



























































L

我是我自己 我不是别人

我已经有很久很久没来这里了
可是今天听你说了一句话真的真的让我冷了下来 

"你为什么不像她那样对男友呢?"

那局话让我自己面对了镜子一段时间


我问问我自己我到底谁?

这样的我不是你要的吗?

我很差吗?
我真的很差吗?
我真的真的很差吗?
如果是的话那你就离开好吗?
my mom ever said this kind of words to me...
her words haunt me for years....until now....
i just wanna repeat my words...
if u wanna enter my world, please accept me,
if u unable to accept, please leave...
i am here not for you to critics....

people never compare you not meant you better than others but we just don't want to hurt you.

this song "可惜不是你" is for us?

i just realize, now i treat my blog as my diary...
luckily..no one come to view...
most of people has forgotten this blog...
is good thing indeed..

i don't know what to write here, but...while listen to the song..
"可惜不是你"
makes me think, is this song is for either one of us?
last time i never worry...i never care, even i think of nothing is permanent ..
now...i can feel the pain in my heart if the day comes...
that night, u told me something happen to u..
at that moment, i really shock, is that real?
tears that fill up the spaces in my eyes make me realize how important u r to me...

thinking back to the moment  we had together...
almost one year... 
u become apart of my life...
u fill up almost all my night time before i sleep..
although we are far apart, but u always try to pull our relationship closer
every time i was unhappy, u'll comfort me,
every time i was angry, u'll let me complaint and even scold
every time i was bored, u'll accompany throughout the time
i don't realize since when u slowly walk into my world and even open the door to the prohibited room...

the time we being with each other really short,
that was the thing that i really regret of,
why not we spend more time together?
wait for the time to meet u dear....

i don't know what can i do to reduce your pain...
what can i do is...be with u...
appreciate all the time with u..
as i promise....i will not make u unhappy again...

no matter what, thanks for bringing happiness to my life,
thanks for let me know how to appreciate someone,
thanks for let me know what is the things that called love....
and..thanks for entering my world....

u just eveready..not yet energizer

u always ask...did u treat me nicely?
yes...orally...u treat me super duper nice....
u always told me....u will do this to me u will do that to me, we will go here, we will go there...
but...will all that really happen??
we don't know.....
but so far, what i knew.....today u mention, tomorrow,u totally forget about it...
i always try to hint u...
don't u ever promise anything that u can never do....
pls don't ....i don't want to have a bad impression to u...
it is hard form me to pretend to be happy because u tell me something that purposely to make me happy.....just purposely make me happy....and wealways know..it will never happen

today i told u.....we had gap a long time we didn't met.
u say yes...u miss me, u want to see me, u need me, 
but yet,
u never try to find a chance for us to met.
u started calculate to me...u said...
"don't worry...u will come back at the end of october,
"we will meet in KL in december,"
then u said again "u will come to hometown again in january.."
and..."u will back again in april..."
do u ever realize....u just wait me to go back.....
do u ever think of....
how if one day, i am not going back....how do me meet?
i really disappointed when i realize this....
i always thought u treat me importantly....
u said u miss me, u want to see me that is real...
but i am wrong..
that is not the thing that u want desperately.
because..i believe...human will put effort to get what they really want..
but what i can see from u...u....never....never.....


.

we still bonded...but....

u ask me..."did i treat u badly?"
erm.....this is hard for me to answer....
u treat me not bad...
good.....but the 'good' is not yet achieved my requirement.
you realize that u r in the border of fail or pass...
yes....for me...we now....nothing more than just like a best friend...
we do talked on phone everyday....can say it is a routine of our life now....honestly i used to it.
but did we ever do something surprise or out of expectation to each other before???
do i ever did that?? yes or no...that depends on what you think..i don't know....you have the answer...
what do you ever did?? ok...for me...the only the real only one...you came to a far far place to pick me...as our first trip too....that the only things that make me change the perception to you...i really appreciate the moment...my sweetest memory with u....

my answer to u...

i told u..u just treat me so so.....how u treat me do change since the time we start...and the slight improvement do make me really take u importantly....but once u r sure i am in u...you like loosing the rope...

yes..i am greedy...i am selfish...i need surprise...i need something unexpected from u....but you like being real normal....10 days equal to one day....nothing different....i can felt bored...my feeling will fade off......

you answer me..."i am like that...i can never treat u better a day than a day... then finally....at the older day...when i can't treat u better... it will be worst....so..i will not treat u nicely at first...then i will slowly improve day by day...so u will appreciate me~~"

but dear...do u ever think that....we still new in our relationship...this is the chance we gotta gain merit from each other...we must do something that really meaningful.... unforgettable..sacrifice....it all about timing.....if the timing pass....no matter what u try to do later...it will be nothing  more than useless...and meaningless....when time goes by...it will bring along our feeling away....we still not really strengthen our relationship....but seems...everything going to be worst......this is the third time i mention this seriously to u...everytime...end up with....u told me...u headache....u need to rest earlier......

i know it is hurt to tell u, i be with u this time but it doesn't mean that i will be with u in the forever to the future...because now i still evaluating u....u can do that to me as well....now i am sure...i just can be your girlfriend but being a part of your life in future...still impossible....you still not the one...

and this time u add up one more phrase...

"alright then...i am not your one......then u just go to find another guy better than me..."

something that someone never know

sitting in my small room...
viewing boring facebook...
viewing lost contact friendsssss.... clicking from one picture to another...
but one picture stop me from clicking...

in my mind....make me think....
how good if i can be in the picture right now....
having my dinner at the beach...
be with the one that i really like to be with....
accompanied by the wind blow, song of wave, sound of sea bird...
perhaps, will be marvelous if i can see dolphin leap around the sea.....

all the time...i always hope there are someone that could really accompany me at those great time...
although i know is lame if i said i would love to be with some that i love, let my little hand be in his warm hand and finally be in his shoulder and what so over...
but honestly...i really wish to be that lame....but i think most of the woman outside there also wish too...but only they haven't really found the right person(the one beside us may not the right one...)
and i really wish to be with my one...Wish for my one really appear at the right time....

my dear...i never tell u what i prefer u to do to me....because i don't want to force yourself to be the one i want you to be...
i just want to be with the real you....however, if i found out....i am not suit with the real you....
i will keep going on my own way.....hope to bump into the one that i really hope to meet...
yea....it is just a wish....a wish for everyone too i guess...

软软笨笨的珊瑚

也许心淡了吧。。。。。
再怎么好听的话也是税负不了。。。。
该痛的心也痛了 该留泪的眼也湿了
伤到的心也留下疤痕了。。。
可是心跟主任一样重。。。。一点也动不了
也有可能笨蛋的心是石头做的吧。。。
这个笨蛋当了这么久的试用品也没发觉。。。
公司倒闭了。。
不要说试用品。。
现在连普通用品也不会在有了。。。

p/s 该次当找到适合自己的用品时，大量进货。。。试用品是不能用久的。


好想好想一个人去一个我好想去的地方。。。
听着红豆的歌。。。就好像我心中的歌。。。

还没好好地感受雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖会更明白什么是温柔
还没跟你牵着手走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后学会珍惜天长和地久

要学会放下哦珊瑚。。。

对不起亲爱的

我知道我这样会很伤你。

你对我的好 我是感觉得到的。

你对我的用心 我也懂得

可是不知为什么

我还是觉得好像少了那么一点点的心

也许对你来说一些事是小事。

可是你却忘了很多时候，

往往一些小小的事对一个女生来说是很重要的。

她们会为那一些小小事哭而笑的 

或许你认为那个女生根本不值得你去花一些些的时间吧。

我记得你跟我说过

你陈经被一个你很爱的女生深深的伤害了

最伤的是你根本没办法放下她 

因为你太爱她了

当你学会放下了你很避忌同样的事在发生在你身上

你陈对我说你不再对任何一个人太好

因为你陈经被背叛的事 你怕了

所以，你也不会对我太好

可是你却没想过

我是无辜的。

 

到了今天我才发现，

你不怎么把我放在心上

到了今天我才发现，

我所认识的你也是从你口中告诉我的你 而不是我真真认识的你

到了今天我才发现。。。

在我心中所认识的你 跟我真真认识的你 是两个世界的你。

每当我跟你在一起的时候

让我觉得我好像跟了一个陌生人。。。

你跟我的之间好像格了一道墙 。。。。。 

怎么去靠近你也靠近不了。。。。

这么久以来 很多人走过了我的世界

可是没一个人真真踏入我的世界。。。

现在 我学会去接受 一个人 ， 你。

我打开了我的心门 让你进来了。。

才发现。。。你不是属于我的世界。。

虽然 我的心 默默的在流泪

可是我还是要谢谢你

应为你 

我懂得什么是幸福 

懂得什么是珍惜

懂得什么是爱情

现在 我也要懂得

怎么样拿了起来就要怎么样放得下去。。。。。