i wish to...

last time i used to count on how many time i should spare with my friend for yumcha
how much time i need to spend with my family
dream of some place i want to go
now....i must count on how many book i need to refer
how many staff i need to contact
how many lecturers i need to discuss with
think of the appropriate way to answer question from students
and and and need to laugh forcefully on lame jokes over some kiasu people

study week comes, salary comes, sure relax...
but why these few nights i can't really get into my sleep?
a lot of thingy floating in my mind...
family, friendship, loveship, my dream
all strangled in my mind

how long i didn't really spend time with my family??
since i enter UMS till now and future(unknown)
who is the one i really wish to be friend with all the time??
different place, different friends
penang-my childhood friends and some crazy friends, sabah-wushu friends and coursemate friends , now.......still looking still deciding...
loveship...one come one go....
most of them pass by and just able to look through the glass door
NO ENTRY board is there....bye bye
now..one stop to look. the one pass by so many times, finally he able to open the door cos the no entry board flown by wind of time
just sit in hall as guest
although anything can happen in hall
but still remain in hall for the mean time
due to the distance we had, he may heading to exit door
curious to know..where am i for him
Hall as well? maybe...

i dream to swim in the blue sea
i can see through the blue crystal clear sea
through the water, i could see my relative there
coral reef, fishy, turtle, dolphin or maybe whale~~
swim with them, play with them, and even ride on them..wow!!
i wish to see coral around me waving to me~~
i wish to see fishy swim around me to say "hi" to me
i wish to be in the circle of barracuda welcoming me in the sea
i wish to visit all the different color that have in the sea....
evening,
i hope i can sit on the beach and blow softly by the wind
and let the sunset watch me.. i think too much.
at night,
looking for little glowing plankton on the beach
blanketing by the stary stary on the sky
its is more comfortable if someone can lend me his shoulder counting on the starsss..

wake up~!! oh gosh~~!!
surrounded by SMART students, and peoples so called lecturer or appropriately..TEACHER!!


ARGH~~!!help me!!!!

Definition of teacher
- outdated, kiamsiap, narrow-minded, involve individual at any age that look like aunty and uncle that believed is "highly educated and rich of knowledge" about EVERYTHING JUST FROM BOOK.

Definition of SMART students
-everything same as teacher, just a level before teacher and always think they are clever than anyone.

similarity of smart students and teachers.
never hand on those thingssss they learn. They knew EVERYTHING JUST FROM BOOK.
live in small small world that they thought is a big big world because of THEY KNEW EVERYTHING

dream

still bugging by the dream
although it just a dream
i did mind about it

you told don't think too much and don't worry
u had experienced something like that b4
u won't hurt others to experience it
do i need to relief to hear it?

u told me u going out, i won't ask where. i just say ok bye bye
but i really want to ask where did u go? with who?
but i didn't. i knew even i asked, whatever u tell me,
i can listen but to believe or not, still depends on myself.
honestly my little hearty told me..i cant take everything u said....
in a relationship when there are disbelieve appear, that means the end of a relationship is going to end.

dear myself...

sitting in office.....typing some text....
is that what i really want?
no i hate this...
i'll holding microphone and standing in the center of attention of so many students...
when i speak, i will be the only one who speak and the rest listen, give response...
is that what i want??
maybe.....
my friend everyday keep telling me....
hey dear...you should know this is not the life you want.
you knew what suitable for you...
you still have time to change, you still young and still able to take the risk..
but the problem is...i am not the only on in this world i still have my family and i am the eldest.
for years my parents bare the responsibility to bring me up..its time for me to take care of them now...
maybe i am not fair to myself but if i think like that, do my parent treat themselves fairly?
no...they sacrifice a big part of their life for their children. they not fair to themselves as well. there is nothing so called fair in the world. fair or not fair is depends on our own perception.